A long time ago I had the good fortune of needing therapy. Of course, such life passages happen to all of us, but what was fortunate for me is I fell into the office of Jungian Analyst David Bennett.

David was great. From day one he offered me insights and ways of looking and thinking about life’s journey that will stay with me forever. Among them was what he called “the Renegade factor.”

As I’m sure you are aware, Carl Jung classified different human characteristics in terms of “archetypes,” perceiving that we can gain great understanding of our selves and the forces that drive us by recognizing them in terms of these symbolic representations. It is also important to note that, according to Jung, the most important thing for a person to do in life is to “individuate.” In Jungian psychology, Individuation is “the gradual integration and unification of the self through the resolution of successive layers of psychological conflict. “

More easily said it’s to be yourself. But really yourself.

Steven Gilligan said some of the power that Milton Erickson had was that he was “totally comfortable with his own weirdness.” So, when you were with him, there was that implicit permission to be comfortable with your own weirdness. I think it might be true, that perhaps Dr. Erickson had individuated and thus was an exemplar of that way of being.

But let’s get back to David.

David Bennett said this… He said there will be times, along your path toward individuation, that your true self will require that you renege on the expectations of society, even of those people closest to you, and “commit the crime of your own uniqueness.”

In other words, you might sometimes have to take actions in your life that are true to you, true to your soul, right for you and your genuine personal best interests, and these actions might really piss somebody else off. But you have to do it. Someone may hate you, but you have to live with that. To them, from their perception, your actions are tantamount to committing a crime. “You said you would! You promised!” But you are being lead by the renegade archetype down a path that perhaps no one else can appreciate, but is right , is necessary for you.

It’s hard.
But you do it because you must.
You do it because it is the right thing to do… for you.
And you deserve it.
You’re entitled to it.
.

Ericksonian Hypnotic Language Patterns
Early in my NLP/Hypnosis training I was in Santa Cruz, California, attending a workshop. After class one day I walked along the beach with a more advanced student who knew a lot about language patterns. When I asked her how to begin gaining facility with them she turned to me and said, “you’ll find that the pattern called ‘Quotes’ is one of the easiest, yet most effective, patterns of all.”

She went on to explain, “When you quote somebody else, your listener doesn’t realize that you’re indirectly giving him or her a direct command. It goes right in!”

Now, I wasn’t sure if I believed her or not so I put it to the test. I’d be at a restaurant and say to the waiter, “my father always told me, ‘just make sure the food’s served hot and everyone will be happy.’” I’d ask a cop for directions and say, “My travel agent told me ‘Always ask a cop, because you’re really nice to tourists.’”

When you start to learn about “Quotes” you’ll notice them everywhere.

Storytellers will put them in the middle of a story or metaphor, where one character addresses another. “…and the cobbler said to the boy, ‘Remember, you’re only as happy as you make up your mind to be.‘”

They will have the quote appear as the thought or sudden realization of the main character. “…and Alice suddenly realized that it’s not how hard you work, it’s how you work hard.“

Quotes can be attributed to famous people. (It is likely even better when they actually said it.) “Benjamin Franklin always said, ‘The more you practice, the luckier you’ll be.’“

Referring to a previous client is useful in a variety of ways. Milton Erickson would often talk about an earlier patient and use the quotes pattern to give suggestions. “And as my client listened to me talk, she realized how true the old saying is that, ‘when you are in trance, you learn rapidly and effectively.‘”

Please note that in the above examples, the part of the quote that is the suggestion is put in the second person, present tense. In other words, because you want to tell your listener to do something, make sure the suggestion is in the form of “you do this,” or “you learn that.” NOT “she did this,” or “he learned that.”

So, now, I wonder what would happen if you were to write your own examples. Aristotle once said, “The best way to learn is by doing.”
So maybe you’ll want to write them out.
Maybe you’ll Say them aloud to a human being with the proper tonal shift. (See the earlier post about tonality if you need more clarity on that)
I’d write at least ten. You might want to write more. Or not.
Be careful when you use them with your spouse, but playfully use them with your pet (they’ll like it).
Most certainly use them with your clients.
Because as Milton Erickson once said that Mark Twain once wrote, “Don’t put off til tomorrow that you can just as easily do the day after that.”

Neo-Ericksonian Approaches to Psychotherapy & Hypnosis

One of the major principles of doing therapeutic work I learned from Dave Dobson is the idea of “Pebble Kicking.”

What is Pebble Kicking? Well, I’m reminded of a story. Actually, a couple of stories.

The first story is about a Spiritual Teacher who was walking with one of his disciples along the banks of a river on their way to a hootenanny. (That might not be the correct term for a gathering of spiritual types, but you know what I mean.)

Along their way they came upon a group of young kids who were skipping stones into the river. The teacher, never one to pass up an opportunity to teach young boys a lesson, produced from the pocket of his robes a beautiful stone. It was perfect in every way. Gorgeous color, gorgeous shine, with a rounded flat surface perfect for skipping.

The boys oohed and ahhed over it like it was a precious gem. Then, without saying a word, the teacher turned and threw the rock over the water in a low arc that caused it to skip more than a dozen times before it slipped into the water and disappeared.

The boys were incredulous that he would throw away such a beautiful stone and stood dumbfounded for a moment. The teacher was about to start speaking about the lesson to be learned here, but before he got a word out, the boys all started speaking at once, asking if they found it, could they keep it. The teacher chuckled, thinking they’d soon see the futility of this quest, and said “yes, I suppose so, but…” and with that they all ran into the water and began diving down trying to find the stone. After watching them for a few minutes they continued on their way, leaving the boys to their task.

Hours later, as the men were returning from their journey, they came to the place where the stone skipping had taken place. There remained just one boy still diving into the waves. Amazingly, just as the men arrived at the spot, the boy surfaced excitedly with the stone in his hand! “I found it! I found it! Can I really keep it?”

The teacher smiled warmly and said. “Yes, of course. It now belongs to you. You have earned it.”

The child ran off totally thrilled as the disciple looked at the teacher and said, “That was your lesson all along wasn’t it? You wanted to teach them the value of perseverance and hard work.”

The teacher blushed and said, “No, not at all. The lesson I had intended was one of the transience of material things, and that everything, even the most beautiful rock, was temporal in nature. But I guess the lesson of perseverance was the one he needed to learn.”

The second story is of New York based Psychotherapist and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist, Susan Lee Bady. She was delivering a talk to NYSEPH (New York Society for Ericksonian Psychotherapy and Hypnosis) regarding the integration of Ericksonian Hypnotic techniques with traditional hypnotic techniques.

She described a situation with a client who had cancer. She ascertained what his condition was and what he was hoping to gain from his session with her. With this information she began to weave a beautiful therapeutic metaphor rich with imagery of undersea gardens, dolphins and peaceful, healing suggestions. After she finished her story and reoriented him to waking consciousness, she asked him how he felt. He told he that, while he found her words very nice and agreeable, he was really hoping she’d say something about how he was going to be fine and heal from the cancer. So she said, “OK, close your eyes. Drift back to the undersea garden. Feel the healing energy there and know that that means you are going to be fine and heal from the cancer.”

At this point she saw him take a deep breath and relax comfortably.

She continued her talk by reporting that he responded well to their session and was recovering from cancer, so that meant that that direct hypnotic suggestion she had offered him, using his words exactly, really did the trick.

Just then a hand went up in the front row. Dr. Sydney Rosen had a question. Now, at NYSEPH, Dr. Rosen is a revered figure, as well he should be. He has served as their President, is a respected Psychotherapist and is the author of “My Voice Will Go With You,” a collection of Milton Erickson’s therapeutic metaphors, so when Sydney Rosen raises his hand at a NYSEPH meeting, you can be sure people respond.

Susan called on him. “Yes, Sydney?”

“How do you know?” was his somewhat vague question.

“I beg your pardon?”

“How do you know that it was the direct suggestion that did the trick and not your beautiful and rich metaphor? Just because his conscious mind found it agreeable to hear those words doesn’t mean that his unconscious mind didn’t create the healing based on your metaphor. I mean, how would you know?”

Susan had to agree. (Wouldn’t you?)

Dr. Dave Dobson once said that what we are, as therapists, is pebble kickers. When we’re doing therapy with someone, we’re like some person standing on top of a mountain kicking pebbles. Many times, maybe most times, these pebbles don’t make too much of an impact. Perhaps they’ll just skitter down the slope a bit and stop.

But every now and again one of those pebbles will kick off some accumulated pebbles, and they’ll collectively kick over some rocks and they’ll kick over some boulders and pretty soon you’ve changed the whole face of the mountain.

Thing is, you never know which pebble’s going do it. You just keep kicking pebbles until you see that the change has taken place.

Dr. Milton Erickson once said, “My learning over the years was that I tried to direct things too much. It took me a long time to let things develop and make use of things as they develop.” (Erickson, 1976, pg.267)

Patterns of Indirect Suggestion – A.K.A.: Ericksonian Language Patterns

In a therapeutic setting we strive to achieve the client’s goals with elegance. Sometimes, however, change is difficult and resistance, conscious or otherwise, is a natural response. By using the following language patterns we are able to bypass the conscious resistance and to communicate with the subconscious mind.

Milton Erickson was famous for his therapeutic metaphors. He would elicit hypnotic responses in his clients or direct their thinking by telling them a story. He wasn’t alone. Like Aesop’s fables, the parables of Jesus, and Greek myths, stories can teach us and direct us with their implicit, indirect suggestions.

Milton’s stories, however, were told in a manner that utilized a sophisticated understanding of how the listener’s subconscious would hear them. His use of these language patterns and vocal tonality to slip suggestions past the listener’s conscious critical mind is sometimes referred to as “covert hypnosis.” We take issue with this representation. This artful use of language cannot rightly be called covert when used in a clinical setting. The client has come to you for treatment and is paying for all of your expertise. Using Hypnosis covertly, like in a bar to seduce someone, is something Dr. Erickson would neither do nor advocate.

A direct suggestion is really a command. It tends to be evaluated by the conscious mind and may be rejected at the outset. Indirect suggestions are like a Trojan horse that slips past the gates and guard towers of the conscious mind and carries good suggestions embedded within. Hence the term, “embedded command.” [ As an example, "You will feel confident," is a direct suggestion. As opposed to the Indirect Suggestion: "I'm wondering how it is when you feel confident ."]

Note: Words in bold are to be said utilizing a shift in your tonality and/or physiology. This is referred to as “Analogue Marking” because the shift in tonality and body gestures are analogous to that of a command. An Embedded Command can be marked out in a variety of ways. A louder voice, a softer voice, a change of vocal timbre, pausing just before the particular phrase, a hand gesture, a shift of eye focus onto the subject, etc. But, whatever way the phrase is marked out must be analogous to a command. You are telling them to do something and it must be clear to their other-than-conscious what they are to do.

I should like to point out that without these shifts in tonality, etc., there is no command at all. You must shift your tonality in a way that is noticeable. Regardless of whether or not the listener pays attention to it consciously, it has to exist. Sometimes people think they are shifting their tonality and are not really doing so. Generally speaking, you can err on the side of exaggeration quite safely. Richard Bandler is sometimes almost comical in his broad way of delivering the commands, yet they unfailingly work.

Speaking of tonality that is analogous to a command, in natural English language a change of inflection can change the meaning of a sentence entirely. As in the sentence, “You are going to the proms.” If you were to use a lifting of your tonality at the end of the sentence it becomes a question. “You are going to the proms?” (Say it aloud and listen to it.)

With flat tonality it is a simple statement. “You are going to the proms.” (Say it and listen…)

When you shift your tonality downwards at the end of the sentence it becomes a command. “You are going to the proms.”
(Go ahead, say it. Say it with the downward inflected tonality and listen to how it sounds.)

Thus: In communication in general and in Hypnosis in particular, tonality is primary.